Bible-readers quickly learn that God is both just and merciful. Regarding the former, Isaiah 61:8 says, “I, the Lord, love justice…. and I will faithfully give them their recompense.” Regarding the latter, Ephesians 2:4 tells us, “God, being rich in mercy, because of His great love with which He loved us…”
Anyone, however, who loves both justice and mercy must hold them in tension, because they are, by their nature, at odds with each other. Justice calls for the punishment deserved while mercy calls for a delay or pardon. If you are both just and merciful you have an inward conflict.
All parents can relate to that inward conflict. When a child deserves discipline, parents debate within themselves: “Do I spank this child now (justice) or just give him a warning (mercy) in hopes he won’t repeat the same behavior?”
If you pay attention to your inward thoughts, you will likely discover that you are frequently caught in that inward tension. When someone says or does something thoughtless and offensive, you inwardly debate about what to do. “Sensitive” and “short-tempered” folks lean towards the side of justice, and they outwardly react, ignoring any inward caution. “Merciful,” long-suffering and “gracious” folks bite their tongues.
Because God is merciful, we can be certain that mercy is a praiseworthy attribute that we should imitate. Indeed, Jesus told us, “Blessed are the merciful” (Matt. 5:7). There is, however, an attribute that is often passed off as mercy, but it is actually not mercy. It is enablement.
Many of us, including me, have been guilty. We convince ourselves that the longer we show mercy, the more loving we must be. But the truth is, we don’t like conflict. So we don’t confront people whom we should confront. Our motive is not actually love for offenders. If it was, we would confront them, in hopes of helping them change. We’re not actually merciful. We’re enablers!
We should remind ourselves that God is wonderfully merciful, but He is never an enabler. He shows mercy for a limited time, in hopes of evoking repentance in order that deserved justice can be avoided. If there is no repentance after extended mercy, justice falls. It can fall in a mild form that is temporary, what we would call “discipline” (something that all of God’s children have experienced) or in a more severe form that is permanent, what we would call “judgment” (that is generally reserved for unbelievers). Of course, if one who deserves justice repents before justice falls, he will enjoy forgiveness, which is a huge dose of mercy!
It is good that most parents are merciful towards disobedient children. They show mercy in hopes that their disobedient children will change their behavior. But they don’t show unending mercy. The small minority who do are enablers who don’t really love their children, just as Scripture teaches us: “He who withholds his rod hates his son, but he who loves him disciplines him diligently” (Prov. 13:24, emphasis added). Enabling parents set their children up for a lifetime of trouble.
And the same principle applies to relationships between adults. It is good to extend mercy, but never to the point of enablement. People who never face the consequences of their unrepentant wrong behaviors have little incentive to change. The same is true for folks whom we always bail out of their self-inflicted problems. As Proverbs 20:30 so bluntly declares, “Stripes that wound scour away evil, and strokes reach the innermost parts.” And as the Psalmist admitted, “It is good for me that I was afflicted, that I may learn Your statutes” (Ps. 119:71). Pain can be purifying, and “faithful are the wounds of a friend” (Prov. 27:6).
The Corinthian Enablers
One scriptural example of enablement disguised as mercy occurred in the Corinthian church. Paul wrote to them:
It is actually reported that there is immorality among you, and immorality of such a kind as does not exist even among the Gentiles, that someone has his father’s wife. You have become arrogant [or “puffed up” according to a marginal note in the NASB] and have not mourned instead, so that the one who had done this deed would be removed from your midst. (1 Cor. 5:1-2).
Paul didn’t say why they were “puffed up,” but it seems reasonable to think it was because of their toleration. But by their toleration, they were enabling a man who was living in gross sexual immorality to stain the reputation of the entire church, hinder the gospel, and to remain deceived about his dire spiritual state and eternal fate. Paul did not mince any words about what they should do:
For I, on my part, though absent in body but present in spirit, have already judged him who has so committed this, as though I were present. In the name of our Lord Jesus, when you are assembled, and I with you in spirit, with the power of our Lord Jesus, I have decided to deliver such a one to Satan for the destruction of his flesh, so that his spirit may be saved in the day of the Lord Jesus (1 Cor. 5:3-5).
Paul was genuinely motivated by love for the perverse man. He hoped that the action taken by the church would result in his ultimate salvation. And Paul did not believe that Jesus’ prohibition against judging others had any application to the situation. He declared that he had “already judged” the wicked man. And then he went on to again instruct the entire Corinthian church to judge him:
I wrote you in my letter not to associate with immoral people; I did not at all mean with the immoral people of this world, or with the covetous and swindlers, or with idolaters, for then you would have to go out of the world. But actually, I wrote to you not to associate with any so-called brother if he is an immoral person, or covetous, or an idolater, or a reviler, or a drunkard, or a swindler—not even to eat with such a one. For what have I to do with judging outsiders? Do you not judge those who are within the church? But those who are outside, God judges. Remove the wicked man from among yourselves (1 Cor. 5:9-13, emphasis added).
The goal was to administer justice so the wicked man might ultimately receive mercy. That means justice can be an act of love.
I wonder if the Corinthians’ excuse for tolerating the perverse man’s behavior was the same one used by so many modern Christians for their similar toleration, namely, “Jesus told us not to judge!” But that is an obvious misapplication of Jesus’ words in His Sermon on the Mount. He plainly instructed the church to judge its wayward members in Matthew 18:15-17. His words in the Sermon on the Mount only prohibited the hypocritical condemnation of others. Those who have logs in their eyes have no moral right to point out the specs in the eyes of others. But, as Jesus also said in the same passage, those who have first removed the logs from their eyes are then qualified to point out the specs in others (see Matt. 7:1-5).
The Most Common Enablers
During the two decades that I served as a pastor, I came to the conclusion that Christian wives could be the largest group of Christian enablers that exist, but often through no real fault of their own. Having been taught to submit to their husbands, that divorce is never an option, and that Jesus always expects us to “turn the other cheek,” (all of which are biblical, but there are other biblical principles that are relevant to wives who are yoked to abusive husbands), they endure anything and everything. In contrast, their husbands suffer no consequences for verbal, physical, or sexual abuse against them and/or their children, porn use, as well as affairs or substance abuse, because their wives exercise “mercy” that their pastors claim is their biblical duty. I could not disagree more
First, “turning the other cheek” is an expression that makes obvious reference to minor offenses. In order to shame our enemies into repentance, we offer them an opportunity to do twice the harm to us. (That is actually an Old and New Testament principle; see Prov. 25:21; Rom. 12:20). Jesus clearly did not mean that, if your enemy wants to abduct and murder your child, give him a second child. Right? Right.
Beyond that, Jesus was speaking of how you should treat your enemies, not someone who has pledged to love and cherish you for the rest of your life! To “turn the other cheek” to your enemy makes you a merciful person. To “turn the other cheek” to someone who claims to love can make you an enabler.
Food for thought!
