Many Christians insist that oral and anal sex are degrading and have no place in a Christian marriage. Others believe that these forms of sex can be enjoyed within marriage with the mutual consent of both the husband and the wife. But what does the Bible say? Learn more in this Little Lessons series!
- What Does the Bible Say About Oral and Anal Sex? (Part 1)
- What Does the Bible Say About Oral and Anal Sex? (Part 2)
- What Does the Bible Say About Oral and Anal Sex? (Part 3)
- What Does the Bible Say About Oral and Anal Sex? (Part 4)
- What Does the Bible Say About Oral and Anal Sex? (Part 5)
- What Does the Bible Say About Oral and Anal Sex? (Part 6)
- What Does the Bible Say About Oral and Anal Sex? (Part 7)
- What Does the Bible Say About Oral and Anal Sex? (Part 8)
- What Does the Bible Say About Oral and Anal Sex? (Part 9)
What Does the Bible Say About Oral and Anal Sex? (Part 1)
Today’s question was sent to us by one of our beloved viewers, and I’ve hesitated for a long time in addressing this question because it is a delicate question, obviously, but something that Christians have questions about. And this one reader, I’m going to read her letter momentarily, is not the first person who’s asked me this question.
So what does the Bible actually have to say about oral and anal sex? Well, if you survey the spectrum of Christian thought on this subject, you do get a wide spectrum. And of course, that’s because the Bible really isn’t as specific in this regard perhaps as some of us wish it were. And that to me is kind of a telling thing right from the start, because the Bible is very specific on many levels when it comes to speaking of the subject of sex, and what is okay in God’s eyes and what is not okay.
And of course, all of God’s commandments are based on the overriding fact that he is love, and he loves us, and he wants what’s best for us. And so, that’s fundamentally the reason why God says, for example, that sex outside of marriage is displeasing to him, because it’s ultimately not the best for us. You only want to have a sexual relationship with someone with whom you’re in a covenant that’s good for life, until death do you part, within that context, that’s where sex is the best.
And there’s fundamental reasons for that. I think everybody can understand it. We could go into all the fundamental reasons that we could think of, but the one that’s most obvious is that sex produces children, oftentimes, right? And even in our day and age where we have methods of birth control that weren’t available back in Bible days, still, accidents happened and people conceive children even when they’re using birth control. And of course, that sets in motion a chain of events. And it’s best for children to be raised by a mother and father who are committed to each other until death do they part. That creates a solidarity and a stability within the family unit.
And we feel so sorry for children who are born out of wedlock because they’re missing out on what’s best. And adults should be thinking about that. We’re supposed to love our neighbor as ourself, that’s the second greatest commandment, right? Right. And are you loving the potential children that you’re going to produce by producing children who aren’t going to grow up with the benefit of a stable family, and an absentee father who’s got children scattered all over the place through many women? You’re not loving your kids, and so you’re transgressing the commandments.
So anyways, these are fundamental things. And I think if we overlay this conversation, and this will be part one, by the way, because I’ve got a lot to say, and I want to provide some context, first of all, if we overlay this with an understanding that God’s the Creator of sex, it was his idea, orgasm was God’s idea, procreation was God’s idea, having children through sexual relations, that was all God’s idea. God’s the one who put the nerves in your body and concentrated them in certain places that brings static sensations. And so, this is all God’s idea. So God’s not near the prude that some people make him out to be. The book that we all consider the sacred book starts off with two people romping around, naked, outside, right? And there’s lots of stories that are sexual in nature, in the Bible, that help us to understand the boundaries that God has set. Okay? So the big boundary is is marriage.
And God speaks specifically about things, you wonder why he ever has to say anything about this. Why does God have to say in the Old Testament, on several occasions, it’s wrong to have sex with animals? I mean, who’s wanting that? But there are perverted people who, yielding to base desires, which God has given them over to, apparently that’s a sin that was committed, for example, obviously with some degree of consistency and regularity, within Canaan’s land, by the Canaanites. And God said, “I’m bringing you in there, not because you’re so holy, but because they’re so wicked. And here’s the kind of things they’re doing.” And God lists some of those sexual perversions.
We know of the word “sodomy,” which of course is derived from the biblical story of Sodom. And there’s Lot living in Sodom, and these angels come to visit him. And the men of Sodom surround his house and they said, “Bring the guys out,” they thought they were men, “We want to have sex with him.” And so, that helps you understand why God destroyed Sodom. This is a sexual perversion.
And so, very clear from Scripture that homosexuality is wrong. I’m happy to tell you though, that if you’re caught in homosexuality, God loves you and God will transform you. And there are hundreds, if not thousands, we know hundreds have publicly professed that God has transformed them, who used to be caught up in a homosexual lifestyle, and God delivered them and transformed them, forgave them, made them into new creations.
And I may not have been guilty of those things before I became a believer in Jesus, but I was guilty of plenty of things that would have sent me to hell. So I’m not going to be able to point my finger at anybody. I’m here to offer the grace and the mercy of God.
Okay, so just to try to set a context. And again, if you are watching this video, we only go for eight or nine minutes, and then we’re going to have to pick up, all right, the next one. So this is going to be a series of lessons, and we’re going to talk about a broader spectrum. But we’re trying to answer that one question about, what’s the Christian view of oral and anal sex? And right off the start, we’re not talking about if it’s okay for unmarried people to engage, okay? Sex outside of marriage is condemned in the Bible because God loves us.
And if you’re involved in a sexual relationship and you’re not married, get out of it. Get out of it pronto, quick, because God loves you and he wants what’s best for you. And he’s shaking his head oftentimes and saying, “You’re a dummy to be having sex, giving your body to someone who’s not committed to you in a lifelong covenant. And you’re a fool to be yourself. If you’re in any way the aggressor in this, you’re wrong. You’re sinning against that other person by having sex with them outside of marriage.” Okay?
Now, I’m going to close with this, just to give you a little beginning of an answer. The Bible is not so clear. Nowhere you can read where it says anything like the words “oral sex” or “anal sex.” Of course, you can read about the sex … sin of sodomy from Sodom, men having sex with men. And that often includes anal and oral sex, copulation, because they’ve got no other way, other than stimulating each other by their hands. Okay?
So anyways, hope to see you in the next Little Lesson. Okay? Just laying a little foundation here today. Thanks for joining me. God bless you.
What Does the Bible Say About Oral and Anal Sex? (Part 2)
Hey, welcome to today’s little lesson. This is part two and I hope you saw the first one cause we’re laying a foundation. We’re going to go little lesson by little lesson to get through to what we want to get through here. And this is going to actually go for a while because I’ve got a lot to say and I know there’s been some pretty heavy duty discussions about this within the Christian realm and there’s a lot of diversity of viewpoint.
So this all started with a question that a reader wrote to me and I’m going to read this precious sister’s a letter because I think that there’s opportunity in it to see how many of us would be wrestling with stuff and hopefully it will help you. So here it is.
“Dear Brother David: May the peace, grace and blessings of our God the Father and our Lord Jesus Christ be upon you.” There you go man. I love these letters that sound like they’re a New Testament epistle. “And God has used you to bless me and save my family unit.” Well that’s sure got my attention. So thank you so much sister for saying that. She said, “I am a new follower of Jesus Christ.” Wonderful. “I have been a,” and she puts it in quotes, “Christian my entire life. A couple of months ago, I actually became a true Christian and a follower of the Lord Jesus Christ.” All right, that’s what we love to hear. You’re not a Christian unless you’re a follower. You’re trying to obey Jesus. If you’re not trying to follow Jesus, then you don’t really believe that he is who he claimed to be, the son of God.
“I’ve delved into the Bible and read it in its entirety as well as listened to exhortations and sermons on YouTube.” Well, there you go. So she’s hungry. That’s shows sign of a born again Christian. They’re hungry for the truth. They want to know what God expects of them so that they can live up to his expectations. “I found a church an hour and a half away from my home that seemed to teach sound doctrine.” Okay, sad you have to go an hour and a half, not sure where she lives. “One of those doctrines is,” and here comes, “marriage permanence.”
“Both my husband and I have been married before.” Now I’m not going to take time to address the marriage permanence doctrine because I’ve done that quite frequently in the past. If you’ve heard about that, but these are the folks who say that if you’ve been previously married and now you’re remarried, you’re living in an adulterous relationship. You’re in God’s eyes, still married to the first person you’re married to, as long as they’re still alive and you should divorce your current spouse and go back to your previous spouse if possible. And if you can’t get back to that spouse, then you should remain single until that spouse dies, then you’re free to remarry.
Well of course they do have some scriptures, but as an all doctrinal air, their interpretation of those handful of scriptures that they utilize don’t harmonize with many other scriptures in the New Testament and don’t harmonize with some of the huge themes of the entire Bible. And so we love those marriage permanence people, but they’re wrong. And I’m glad that I was able to help this sister.
So she said, as you can imagine, so she’s going to this church and she hears this, Oh my goodness, I’m living in an adulterous relationship with my husband. And so God wants me to divorce him. So she says, “As you can imagine, this doctrine was an immense blow to me. My options were either divorce or be cast into hell.” And that’s the options that the marriage permanence folks give you. Because you’re living in adultery. No adulterer will inherit eternal life. And so you have to divorce if you want to go to heaven. Even if you’re married to a Christian, you’ve been married to him or her for 20 years and you’ve got kids and grandkids who are all serving the Lord, you need to get a divorce and go back to your previous spouse because that’s who you’re really married to in God’s eyes. Oh my goodness. Okay, so hardly have any words. I did have some words before. But I hardly have any words for that.
“So as I contemplated God’s will, that all Christians who were remarried, divorced…” Oh, excuse me. “As I contemplated this doctrine, I was not convinced that it was God’s will that all Christians who were remarried, divorced.” Good for her. She’s using her brain and God gave us brains to think. “I had a friend who got married very young when he went to the army and he divorced shortly thereafter and then remarried and had two children. Surely God would not want him to leave his wife of over 20 years and his children.” Way to go sister, you’re using your brain. Common sense. It’s just obvious. Obvious. God gave us brains.
“So my husband is an unbeliever.” Oh, this complicates things. “And the people I know, friends and family are, and she puts in quotation marks Christians. So I had no one to go to for guidance or discussion. While I’ve read the Bible once and I am rereading it, I haven’t even yet truly studied it, nor have I had the revelation to truly understand it.”
Well none of us fully understands it yet. So keep reading. “And I turned to the internet to try to find understanding fully prepared to divorce my husband if that was the result of my research.” So she’s committed to whatever she feels the Lord’s saying, but she doesn’t want to just jump to a quick conclusion. Way they go, that’s smart. “Then I found your little lessons. I had found some sermons and expectations against marriage permanence prior to finding you, however, I was not satisfied with the scriptures used to support their views. Your little lessons contain the scriptural support that put this topic to rest for me.” Well, you just made my day. “The way you explained it was plain, I will not be getting a divorce because of how the spirit of God moved in you. I wish that all Christians who have been fed that false doctrine could hear your little lessons prior to wrecking their families.”
And so do I. “You have been a blessing to me and to be sure to many others. Thank you.” Okay, so that’s the initial start. And I only read that just because I guess I just did. “There is another doctrine of which I am unsure. It is regarding oral and anal sex. The doctrine states that both are sodomy, are unnatural, defile the marriage bed and transfer unholy homosexual spirits and leads to hell. I am somewhat embarrassed to write this to you and would most likely not be able to say this if we were face to face.” Okay, I get that. “However, I’d love to view a little lesson on this topic.” Well you’re about to view a number of little lessons on this topic. And you’re the one that spurred me on. So thank you for writing.
“Prior to hearing this doctrine, my husband and I enjoyed oral sex,” and so can we just fundamentally say that they enjoyed it. Now some people watching this, and I’m going to try to appear to be as neutral as I can on this, but scriptural, okay, are going to think to themselves, well, how could that possibly be enjoyable? Because I view it, they view it, I’m imagining viewers because that’s degrading. That’s certainly understandable too how it could be viewed as degrading. That is putting your mouth on your spouses genitals to stimulate them sexually.
But here’s someone who’s saying, “My husband and I enjoyed oral sex. After hearing this doctrine, I’m not able to validate it at one way or the other. I have not been able to enjoy it and have altogether stopped practicing it.” Now remember, her husband’s an unbeliever, so here comes conflict in the marriage. “This has caused,” Oh, the next sentence. “This has caused some tension in my marriage, especially since I have no scriptural support for it. I am hoping that a little lesson will provide the clear understanding and scriptural support that I need to resolve this.”
I’m hoping to do that for you, but I’m out of time for today. So we’ve set the stage. This is part two. Next little lesson will be part three. “May God continue to bless you and bless us through you. Your sister in Christ,” and she gives her name there. So thank you again for writing. And I think we did learn something a little bit today anyways, for starts. Okay. Some married couples enjoy oral sex. Hope to see you next time. God bless you.
What Does the Bible Say About Oral and Anal Sex? (Part 3)
Hi, welcome to today’s lesson. Thank you for joining me. I hope you’ve joined me for the previous two little lessons, because this is part three of a multi part lesson. We’re trying to address a very delicate subject of which within the spectrum of Christian thought, there’s a lot of variation, simply because the Bible never says … It definitely sets boundaries for sex, limiting it between married persons, male and female, but it doesn’t say anything about oral sex is wrong, or anal sex is wrong. It doesn’t even say it in any other terms, okay? Some Christians on one side of the spectrum will say, “Hey there’s scripture that says … that alludes to oral sex.” We’ll look at those, okay? To see if we agree with that.
One overriding thought in all of this. Okay, so we’ve already set the boundaries that sex is designed by God to be a blessing. It’s not just for procreation, by the way, it’s obviously for pleasure, and enhancing of the relationship. It’s an expression of love. It’s a absolutely beautiful, beautiful thing, when enjoyed in marriage. It doesn’t mean there’s no boundaries, because some people quote that verse in Hebrews, that the marriage bed is undefiled, as if that’s the entire Bible’s revelation on sex, and say, “Well there’s nothing you could possibly do in the marriage bed that would be wrong.” Well, you know, I’ll bet you it’s wrong to beat your spouse in the marriage bed, right? You know. You still got to love your neighbor as yourself in marriage bed, right? Right? Okay, so there are things that could be done in the marriage bed that would defile the marriage bed, transgressing any other commandant, if there’s a commandment.
This is something I’ve observed in 40 years of being a Christian. You could actually put Christians in to three categories. Now, I’m sure there’s more, but for the sake of what I’m going to share, three categories. There are professing Christians, who I don’t think they’re Christians at all, actually, who believe that if we just believe in Jesus, quote unquote, believe in Jesus, we can live our life any way we want to. Of course, theologically that’s call antinomianism, and it’s heresy, okay? If you believe in Jesus, you’ll be transformed, born again, filled with Holy Spirit, and you have a desire to obey, and that’s part of the new covenant. Faith without works is dead. All these things. Okay, so that’s one category of Christian, and they’re not even Christians.
Then on the other extreme, you got the people who say, “Well, you know … ” Well let’s go to the middle of the road. The Christians who are biblically based, and they say, “Oh look, yeah. Faith without works is dead and if I believe in Jesus, I’ll be obeying him, so it’s important to obey his commandments,” and so they work hard on obeying his commandments, as he has revealed in the Word of God. Because they know that holiness is important. I count myself as being one of those people.
Then you have the folks on the far, far right, you know? Where they believe that holiness is important, but they believe it’s so important that they actually go way beyond the Bible, and they’ll come up with all kind of things that aren’t in the Bible, and tell you that this wrong if you do this. Even though they can’t give you a shred of scripture to prove it. We could call them maybe legalists, but I’m not sure that’s the right use of the term, but certainly they’re over in that direction, where legalists actually think we’re saved by our works. I’m going to say these are extreme holiness crowd, who they’ve actually put themselves a little bit above God saying, “Even though God never said this was a sin, I’m saying this is a sin.” Well, who are you? Are you God? Are you higher than God? I think it would be better to be very, very careful when you start saying, “This is a sin but I don’t have any scripture evidence for it.” Or the scripture evidence you have for it, you know, isn’t all that convincing.
We’re going to talk about one of those, because I just looked at a discussion in Facebook. A guy made a strong statement against oral sex in marriage. One of the commentators said, “Hey, that’s really good. I like what you said, do you have any scripture for it?” And said it very politely and kindly, you know, respectfully. He said, “Well, not really.” Okay, and so often these folks revert to, “Well, if you’d just listen to the Holy Spirit, you know, like me … ” these same people are telling us the Earth is flat, some of them are, so they’re not listening to the Holy Spirit. I happen to know the Earth is not flat. I’ve actually flown around the entire globe, okay?
Anyways, an overriding principle, so that we don’t defile the marriage bed, because this is a big biblical theme, is love your neighbor as yourself. The loving spouse is not going to ask … is not going to demand something of his or her spouse that his or her spouse is opposed to, or would think it would be degrading. Let’s find a scriptural verse, passage, that proves this, okay? We already have the second greatest commandment, “Love your neighbor as yourself.” Do you want your spouse trying to force you to do the things you don’t want to do? I bet you not, so treat others like you want to be treated. Don’t be demanding something of your spouse.
Let’s hurry up and get into this scripture. 1 Corinthians 7, “Now concerning the things about which you wrote, it is good for a man not to touch a woman.” Now, boy, if that was the only verse in the Bible, we’d be in big trouble. This is why context is so important, okay? “Because of immoralities, each man is to have his own wife, and each woman to have her own husband.” Even though we’ve got examples of polygamy in the Bible, and God even blessed those polygamists like David, and so forth, God’s best is one man, one woman. It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to understand why that is. All the polygamists in the Bible had trouble.
“The husband must fulfill his duty to his wife,” that’s a duty that not so hard to fulfill. “And likewise, also the wife to her husband. The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does, and likewise, also the husband does not have authority over his own body, but his wife does.” Boy, we can go deep, deep, deep into that, couldn’t we? That’s really interesting, worth meditating on, husbands and wives thinking about that, that if there’s something that my husband or my wife is commenting on, requesting in our sexual relationship, my body is not my own, and I ought to be considering them. See, it works both ways.
Paul is specifically addressing, again, if that was the only verse in the Bible, we could justify a lot of things that aren’t really justifiable, because here’s what Paul’s really addressing. Stop depriving one another, see that’s what was happening. Some spouses are withholding sex from their partner and that’s not right, because you really don’t have authority over your own body, so this doesn’t address the mechanics of sex, or whether oral or anal sex is right or wrong. It’s just talking in general about withholding sex. It ought to be a regular part of marriage. “Stop depriving one another, except for by agreement for a time that you may devote yourselves to prayer, and come together again, so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self control.”
Here’s an overriding principle, I’ve got to just say this very quickly as we wind this down. That anything that is done in the marriage bed should be done by mutual consent. Okay, because the principle is here. If we’re going to abstain from a sexual relationship for a time, because we’re going to devote ourselves to prayer, we have to agree on this. Only by agreement, if your spouse doesn’t agree to that, then you shouldn’t say, “Well, too bad buddy, I’m praying, so we’re not having sex.” Woe to you, you’re not doing what the Bible says, okay? You’re going to have to figure out how you can pray and have sex if your spouse is not in agreement with it, okay? Hey welcome to marriage. Marriage is two people who have to learn to work together, all right? On many levels. All right, that’s all the time we have for today. We really haven’t answered our question, but we’re trying to set some context here. Hope to see you in the next little lesson. God bless you.
What Does the Bible Say About Oral and Anal Sex? (Part 4)
Hi, welcome to today’s little lesson. This is part four. If you didn’t see the first three, we’ve laid a foundation, and we had to lay a foundation, and we still probably have some foundation to lay, but I’m addressing a, a letter, a question from one of our beloved viewers. And she asked about oral and anal sex, he said the doctrine states… What she’s heard from some folks that both of these things, anal and oral sex are sodomy, are unnatural, defile the marriage bed and transfer unholy homosexual spirits and lead to hell.
Okay, now, I would love to hear that sermon, to hear the scripture that was used to prove that, all those points. Because I’ve been studying the Bible for 40 years, I can’t think of any scriptures that would prove those conclusions. Now sodomy, that’s something you find mentioned in the Bible, not actually even using that term, modern translations, but we all know where that stems from. The sin of the men of Sodom who wanted to have a sexual relationship with the angels that came and visited Lot. They thought they were men. I guess they came in the form of men. And they said, bring them out, we want to have sex with them. And Lot wouldn’t let that happen.
To say that oral sex and marriage is sodomy, that wasn’t happening in Sodom, where we get the word sodomy, right? So we know that scripture condemns homosexuality there’s, no bones about that. And that you open yourself up to unholy homosexual spirits? I think I can say for a fact from serving the spectrum of Christian thought on this subject, that there are Christian married couples that engage in either oral or anal sex.
And they’re all opening themselves up to homosexual spirits? So the next thing is they’re going to be attracted to members of the opposite sex? Is that’s what’s happening? Is there any even anecdotal evidence for that conclusion? See, so these are the folks who are as I described on a previous lesson, Why Are We Here? The Christian sex police where even though the Bible is silent on something, they’re setting rules, because God didn’t think about these things in several thousand years of history of divine revelation in the Old and New Testament.
So I guess we better come up with something. Oh my goodness. And the person who wrote to me said that prior to her hearing this doctrine, her and her husband engaged in oral sex and they enjoyed it. And again, I haven’t ever had a personal conversation with any Christian asking them that question, but looking on the internet and so forth and different forums and different teachings and so forth, and Christian books and so forth, I have to say that there are people who I think are genuine followers of Christ, who are involved, I’d say at least in oral sex, you know, and I don’t, I don’t see them, you know, becoming homosexuals. And there’s tons of fruit in their life.
So God’s going to say, well yeah, even though you, you were a missionary and you won all kinds of people to Jesus and you fed the hungry and clothed the naked, you had oral sex with your spouse, so to hell with you buddy. See now the person who wrote this, I complimented her because the letter, I read it a couple of lessons ago, she’s using her brain to think this through logically. So that’s what I’m trying to do right now, do this logically.
The main principle of course is love your neighbor as yourself. And our last lesson we talked about the importance of mutual consent. I, for one, I’m not going to tell any Christian married couple what they can and cannot do sexually. Okay? Now, beyond what the Bible says, okay? Like you can’t invite a third or fourth person into your marriage bed and have an orgy, okay? So we know that’s wrong.
You can’t have an affair, okay? That’s not in the marriage bed, that’s outside the marriage bed. And so there are clear parameters, but I’m not going to be one of those ones among the Christian sex police who starts regulating what married couples do. People who obviously love the Lord and mutually consent, both find a desire and an enjoyment in something that they’re doing in the marriage bed. It’s not abuse if it’s mutual consent. I think we can all agree on that.
Okay, so let’s talk more specifically about oral sex. Folks said, can we find anything in the Bible? And I would actually say that, you’re hard pressed, but we’re going to go some scriptures that some people use to show prove that oral sex is condoned within marriage in the Bible. So I’m going to go to Proverbs chapter 5, starting in verse number 15. I’m reading from the New American Standard Version, drink water from your own cistern. Back in the day when they had cisterns, that’s where you’d be getting your water every day. And fresh water from your own well. Should your Springs be dispersed abroad, streams of water in the streets. That’s a veiled reference to sex outside of marriage. And it’s addressed to men in particular, you know, we’ll see.
We’ll see that he’s strictly, he’s talking to men. So it’s, it’s, it’s, you know, it’s not crude language, it’s a veiled language, but he’s creating an image. Should your streams of water be dispersed to the street? Okay, let them be yours alone and not for strangers with you. He’s not talking about sharing water. Jesus said, one of the signs of the Christians is that I was thirsty and you gave me a drink, okay? This is talking about sex. And then look at verse number 18, let your fountain be blessed. Well, what part of a man’s body he could be considered his fountain? Well, Oh, forgive me.
Let your fountain, men, be blessed. Do you want your fountain to be blessed? Keep your fountain not dispersing in the streets, okay? And rejoice in the wife of your youth. As a loving hind and a graceful doe, let her breasts satisfy you at all times. Be exhilarated always and literally in Hebrew, be intoxicated always with her love. For why should you my son, be exhilarated with an adulterous? This is a biblical doctrine about what’s right and wrong, regarding sex. And embrace the bosom, the breast of a foreigner. For a ways of a man are before the eyes of the Lord, and he watches all his paths.
Okay, so some said, we’re finding not mouth to genital sex, but mouth to breast sex here in Proverbs 5, as a loving hind and a graceful doe, let her breasts satisfy you at all times. And I’m sure that’s a picture of a nursing deer or whatever, but you know, let’s take it at face value. Let her breasts satisfy you at all times.
Well, men for some strange, God given reason, are attracted to female breasts. And so they can be satisfied by looking at them, touching them, kissing them and, and I’m not laying out any rules whatsoever here, okay? Because different strokes for different folks. All right, and we’re out of time, so I’m going to pick up right here in the next little lesson, this is getting interesting. I hope you’ll join me. See you next time.
What Does the Bible Say About Oral and Anal Sex? (Part 5)
Hi, welcome to today’s Little Lesson. Thank you once again for joining me. I hope you’ve join me on the previous four Little Lessons because we’ve laid a pretty good size foundation as we work on our way through trying to answer this question, building a context and looking at the spectrum of Christian thought and, and now getting a little bit more specific. So we found ourselves in our last Little Lesson in a verse, a passage in Proverbs, chapter 5 beginning of verse 15 where we’re, we’re told, men are told to avoid the sin of adultery and to find sexual fulfillment in their marriage. And it’s really said in a beautiful way. We got to verse number 18 of Proverbs, chapter 5 last time, and I’m reading now from the New American standard says as a loving hind and a graceful doe, let her breasts, speaking of your wife, because right above it it said, rejoice in the wife of your youth. So, you know, not encouraging any enjoyment of anyone else’s breasts other than your wife’s breasts.
Let her breasts satisfy you at all times, be exhilarated or literally intoxicated, always with her love. So this certainly is a condoning, you know, enjoyment as a component of a sex which because any thinking person realizes that’s part of what God has had in mind in creating sex. And so it is said by some, and I’m just trying to kind of present a bit of the spectrum of thought within within Christianity is I’ve studied it and read it and then you’re going to have to make up your own mind ultimately in the end. But is the writer of Proverbs, is the author here saying that the only way that your wife’s breasts should satisfy you would be visually or would there be an element of touching or could there be anything else beyond that?
Okay. And so I realized that oral sex, that question is technically talking about oral to genital sex. But this is leading into another train of thought that I want to go into because some argue that oral and anal sex are clearly unnatural. And of course that’s an opinion because the Bible doesn’t say that, but they’ll go to like Romans 1 and 2 where it talks about the sin of homosexuality and how that’s unnatural men burning in the desire for men and women burning in the desire for women. And this is unnatural. Well, you know, that’s obviously clearly unnatural because you know, men and men, their parts don’t fit and women and women, their parts don’t fit. And the general revelation of creation is that men and women get married and they have children and that’s the family unit and that’s like 99% if not more of the human experience throughout all history. Okay. So this other stuff, it certainly is in a minority category by its own, and it’s rightfully called on natural, but to make them the logical leap to say, well, oral sex then is also natural within the confines of marriage. It’s a logical leap that, you know, isn’t the strongest leap that you’ve got.
Again, within the spectrum of Christian thought, I’ve actually read, well the one guy who said that it’s wrong to touch your spouse’s genitals with your hands because that’s not what your hands are for trying to do the parts thing. The penis and the vagina go together. And so that’s what ought to be happening and there shouldn’t, you know, and so they’re preaching against any manual sexual activity, based on what, what’s natural or the obvious function of the parts. I don’t think it’s a strong argument. You know, who would ever thought that the mouth would be a sexual organ? Okay. You know, you could draw the conclusion, well, the mouth is made for talking and eating. You know, you wouldn’t be doing things sexually with your mouth, would you?
Well, I mean, the Bible is full of reference to kissing, kissing on the lips, mouth to mouth. And when you think about it, that is a little bit weird. But we do it. And I’m saying it’s okay in marriage. We do it because it’s enjoyable. But who would have ever thought, who would have ever thought. It all, it seems unnatural. You’re using what’s supposed to be there for talking and eating for something sexual, sexually stimulating. And we’re eventually in this little series going to go into the Song of Solomon and man, you know, boy, they talk about kissing, passionate kissing is mentioned in the Bible and it’s mentioned, of course, many other places too. So again, what’s the obviously natural element, you know, that argument is not so strong just because of that one example.
Okay. And remember I’m trying to share a wider spectrum of thought. So just examining the arguments on both sides. I’m going to look at some the arguments that people have used to say, look, oral sex is in the Bible and we’re going to look at that. Okay, now we just read the last Little Lesson. Proverbs 5:15 through 21 in the New American Standard. I want to read it in the New Living translation because the New Living is not a word for word translation. It’s a thought for thought translation. And I’m not one of those people that thinks that the only version that you should read the Bible is a word for word translation because anyone who’s involved in language translation, and I’ve been involved in that for years all over the world knows that the best translation is not always word for word.
Okay? If I have a translator translating a sermon for me in Indonesia, I don’t want him translating it word for word. The best translators translate thought for thought. Okay, so here’s what the New Living Translation is. “Drink water from your own well. Share your love only with your wife.” So it’s just trying to make it more clear and it’s not using the imagery that we saw in the literal of the New American Standard. “Why spill the water of your springs in the streets having sex with just anyone?” We could tell that’s what is really meant in the word for word translation of the New American Standard. But the New Living is say, let’s just say it, because that’s all obviously what he’s talking about. “You should reserve it for yourselves. Never share it with strangers. Let your wife be a fountain of blessing for you.”
Well, I actually don’t like that as much as I like the New American Standard translation because I don’t really think that’s really what he was saying. “Rejoice in the wife of your youth. She is a loving deer, a graceful doe. Let her breasts satisfy you always. May you always be captivated by her love,” and it’s just not talking about her love in her unselfish personality. This is talking about sex. You know the love that’s expressed a sexual relationship. Be captivated always by her love. “Why be captivated my son by an immoral woman and fondle the breasts of a promiscuous woman?” And so, you know, I think it’s obvious that it’d be okay to fondle the breasts of your wife. And she might like that too. And you might like that as well. Okay. So has it been wrong to kiss your wife’s breasts or in some way interact with them?
Well maybe it’s okay and maybe there could be enjoyment and an expression of love in that. And this is where reading from your Bible. Okay, so then should we conclude then that oral sex, oral to genital sex is wrong? Well, it’s not so clear, is it here when, you know, we were reading a little more of the specifics of what is involved in sex. And quite honestly, I feel so sorry for the married couples that are way over here on the right where sex is likely here’s, we’ve got a list of all these things that we cannot do. All we can do is just get together copulate and then watch TV. Oh my goodness. Okay. You’re missing out on a lot of blessing, buddy. Okay. All right, so I’ll be back the next time. Hope you join me. God bless you.
What Does the Bible Say About Oral and Anal Sex? (Part 6)
What does the Bible say about oral and anal sex, part six. Hi, welcome to today’s Little Lesson. I hope you’ve watched the previous five. If you haven’t, it would probably be good to stop right now and go back and find the other five and watch them first. Because we’re building on a foundation and trying to determine from the Scripture, of which on this particular subject of oral and anal sex, there’s not anything definitive. And so, we have to come to, first of all, a conclusion from that, that if it was that important to God, you think he’d say something about it, right? I mean, the Bible’s a pretty big book. It has a lot to say about sex and what displeases God and sex. Right? And I’ve already said this, but it bears repetition, when God is so specific that he says it’s wrong to have sex with animals, you’d think that if oral and anal sex where that grievous to God within the confines of marriage, of course, because we know God set that up, he’d have said something about that. Okay.
And again, if you’re watching this for the first time, of course, and you missed the first four, you might say, “Oh, but, but, but.” Well, I probably already answered some of those buts in previous Little Lessons. Okay. So God is not quite the prude that some people think he is. Sex was his idea and I think that we can trust him on this. There’s a book in the Bible called the Song of Solomon that thematically, it’s sexual. I mean, some people try to un-sexualize it. I don’t know how you could possibly do that. They try to spiritualize it by saying, “Well, this represents the love that the church has for Jesus and vice versa.”
Okay, okay, I get that. But I mean, the sexual imagery is just all over the place and it celebrates the beauty and the joy of sex within the confines of marriage. Okay? And the language that is used is intentionally vague and non-offensive but certainly gives chance for our imaginations to imagine what’s really being talked about here. So I want to read to you. This is the laying of foundation now. I mean, this book starts off with the words, “May he kiss me with the kisses of his mouth, for your love is better than wine.” That’s where it starts. That’s verse one. And we don’t have time to read all the chapters of Song of Solomon, but probably the two juiciest chapters, one of them is Chapter four. Let me begin in verse number one.
This is the husband, the lover, describing the beauty of his lover. “You are beautiful, my darling, beautiful beyond words. Your eyes are like doves behind your veil. Your hair falls in waves like a flock of goats winding down the slopes of Gilead. Your teeth are as white as sheep recently shorn and freshly washed. Your smile is flawless, each tooth matched with its twin. Your lips are like a scarlet ribbon. Your mouth is inviting. Your cheeks are like rosy pomegranates behind your veil. Your neck is as beautiful as the tower of David, jeweled with shields of a thousand heroes.”
Okay, so up until now it’s neck and up. But describing all of her facial features of what is so inviting and so attractive to him. Who can explain all that? That’s how God made men to be attracted to the female face. But think about this. Think about how similar the female face is to the male face. I mean, okay, there’s differences. We all know that. But compared to the face of an elephant or a hyena or something, then there’s a lot of similarities. But in general, no man is looking at another man and thinking these thoughts. This is something that is God given. Men appreciate the beauty and the subtlety and the differences of the female face. Okay?
Now we come to verse five. “Your breasts.” So we’ve lowered ourselves down here. “Your breasts are like two fauns, twin fauns of a gazelle grazing among the lilies.” Now, quite honestly, I’m having a tough time catching the connection of that imagery of how your breasts can be compared to two fauns. Now I could look at two fauns, and these are beautiful things. So maybe that’s the only correlation. Think of two fauns. They are cute, beautiful, very attractive. Anyone would like to look at them and they go, “Ah, aren’t they just beautiful?” and so forth. And this guys only equating that to his lover’s breasts. But anyway, you look at it, he’s talking about her breasts and visually how beautiful they are to him.
Okay. “Before the dawn breezes blow and the night shadows flee, I will hurry to the mountain of myrrh and to the hill of frankincense. You are altogether beautiful. my darling, beautiful in every way. Come with me from Lebanon, my bride. Come with me from Lebanon. Come down from Mount Amanah, from the peaks of Senir and Hermon, where the lions have their dens and leopards live among the hills.” I like this next one. “You have captured my heart, my treasure, my bride. You hold it hostage with a glance of your eyes.” Isn’t that beautiful? “With a single jewel of your necklace.” I mean, if you don’t see the sexual imagery in all this, you’re not paying good attention. “Your love delights me, my treasure, my bride.” Again, he’s emphasizing the privacy. “This is my treasure. You’re my bride.” “Your love is better than wine, your perfume more fragrant than spices. Your lips are as sweet as nectar, my bride, honey and milk are under your tongue.”
So this guy is enjoying kissing, passionately, kissing, his lover. Okay. And as I said in the last lesson, the old argument that’s used about what’s natural and how we know oral sex is wrong in marriage because it’s not natural. Who would’ve ever thought that kissing on the lips was natural? You use your mouth for eating and talking and so forth. Who would’ve ever thought it was a sexual organ? But it is.
“Your clothes are scented like the cedars of Lebanon. You are my private garden, my treasure, my bride, a secluded spring, a hidden fountain.” So again, emphasizing the, the privacy of all this. It’s mine. You’re hidden. It’s just, just, just for me. I love that. Okay, now we’ve worked our way down face, torso. Guess what? We’re going lower here.
“Your thighs shelter a paradise of pomegranates with rare spices.” Now, I’m going to have to pick up here on the next Little Lesson, okay, because we’re out of time. But your thighs, that’s from your waist to your knees, okay, anatomically and they shelter a paradise of pomegranates with rare spices. So very veiled imagery here. But fruit is what’s in mind and spices are what’s in mind. And we’ll read it in more detail tomorrow. Okay?
I’m reading from the New Living Translation. Some other translations don’t say it exactly like that. In fact, in the next lesson, I’ll first read the New American Standard and we’ll all be scratching our heads saying, “What? What? What in the world are you saying there?” Okay, so thank you for joining me on these juicy Little Lessons. Hope to see you next time. God bless you.
What Does the Bible Say About Oral and Anal Sex? (Part 7)
Thank you so much for joining once again. I hope you’ve seen the six previous little lessons because we’ve covered a lot of ground and I’m trying to create some context and lay a foundation. And now we find ourselves as we look at the spectrum of Christian thought and answering the questions that we’re trying to answer.
We find ourselves in the Song of Solomon where some have found what they believe is an endorsement for oral sex. And we’re trying to judge that. Okay. And I’m trying to refrain from appearing to be anything, but neutral on this because I don’t want to be amongst the Christian sex police who are going beyond what the word of God explicitly and clearly states. All right, so let’s look at what we have and judge from that.
You know, these are questions that Christians have and they’re very important. I did a video about a year ago from when I’m making this video on will God, forgive me if I keep committing the same sin over and over again. And that became our most popular video. I think as I’m talking to you right now, it’s got like 150,000 views or something. As I looked at the demographics of who was watching that video mostly, and I saw it was mostly young men, I just made the assumption, “Oh it’s masturbation that they’re wrestling with. Unmarried young men.
I then made another video on what does the Bible say about masturbation? Actually, it was a series, but the very first in that series then within the last nine months became the most popular video on our YouTube channel. It received about 180,000 views in a shorter amount of time than the previous record holding YouTube video. So it just shows that these things are questions that Christians have. They’re legitimate questions and people are interested in them, and the churches ought to be talking about them.
Maybe not on Sunday mornings from the pulpit, but in classes for men and women and I get to do this privately so I feel a little bit safer not having to look anybody right in the face, and trusting that I’m able to help you. All right. So we found ourselves in our last lesson in the Song of Solomon. The two juiciest chapters in this sexually-themed laced Bible book, are Song of Solomon 4:4-7. So we’re making our way through chapter four and we came to this one verse, verse number 13 and I’m reading from the new living translation.
It says, your thighs. We know what your thighs are. He’s describing the beauty of his bride here. Your thighs and from your waist to your knees. Okay. Your thighs shelter a paradise of pomegranates with rare spices. Now these already alluded to this garden imagery. He said it in the verse above. You are my private garden, a secluded spring, a hidden fountain. So we have that imagery and now it’s becoming a little more specific.
And I love the new living translation because it’s a thought for thought translation, not a word for word translation. The new American standard here says in verse 13 your… In fact, I put it up on my laptop here. Your shoots, your shoots are an orchard of pomegranates. So your shoots, well that’s, I guess that’s your branches, in this private garden.The imagery is not so good or clear, really in one sense.
It’s very, very vague. I am not sure how the new living translation came up with this. Your thighs shelter a paradise of pomegranates, but wow. If that’s closer to what the original author had in mind, wow. So I’m not sure what’s interesting between a woman’s thighs other than her vagina and the various components.
That’s obviously where God put a lot of thought into all that and concentrated nerve endings there and so forth with the idea of a woman’s pleasure and a married woman’s pleasure. Okay. Enhancing her relationship with her husband and in her pleasure, he also finds pleasure. Okay. So again, let’s read it again. It’s purposely vague, but it’s unmistakable I think in his imagery that God is not the prude that some people think he is.
You are my private garden, my treasure, my bride, a secluded spring. A hidden fountain, your thighs shelter a paradise of pomegranates with rare spices. Henna with nard. Nard and saffron, fragrant calamus and cinnamon. With all the trees of frankincense, myrrh and aloes and every other lovely spice. You are a garden fountain, a well of fresh water. You see all this specific imagery of these different kinds of fruit.
It does seem reasonable to conclude that he’s describing if nothing else, the fact that there’s a lot going on down there in that region. Fairly complicated garden, a lot of variation there and it’s a description. Okay. Now some people say, “Well, there you go. This guy is so familiar with this part of his bride’s body. He’s obviously looking very close and then they jumped to the conclusion of course that this is an endorsement for oral sex.
Well, I’m going to have to stop right there and say, I don’t see that. Okay. But on the other hand, I am not going to be the Christian sex police. Okay? As I’ve already said. So then we come to the next juiciest chapter there within the Song of Solomon, another description by the husband of his bride. And he says, how beautiful. This is verse one, how beautiful are your sandaled feet O queenly maiden. So this time we’re working from the… Starting at the bottom.
Remember in chapter four we started the top and worked our way down face, breast, thighs. Now, we’re starting at the feet and even the feet of his bride, he sees as beautiful, but now he works his way up. Your rounded thighs are like jewels, the work of a skilled craftsmen. And ladies, if he didn’t know that men are turned on by that part of their wives’ bodies. Who can explain it? It’s just instinctive, intuitive. It’s God-given. Okay. It’s something that he likes to look at. Your rounded thighs are like jewels, the work of a skilled craftsman. So it’s something that he would admire. Your navel is perfectly formed, like a goblet filled with mixed wine. Okay.
So he’s working his way up now. He’s come to the navel. But look back down a little bit between your thighs lies a mound of wheat, bordered with lilies. Now this, goodness seems to be a description of the clitoris and it’s interesting because the new American standard always had me scratching my head when I read this because it said your belly is like a heap of wheat. And we kind of laughed at that and said, “Wow, I guess back in the day slender wasn’t in.” You imagine the heap of wheat on the belly, so that’s not describing slender.
But here in the new living translation, describing something else, between your thighs lies a mound of wheat bordered with lilies. So again, imagery is vague. We can’t come to definitive conclusions, but the guy’s familiar with something that God made, that’s the center of pleasure for the wife. Okay, out of time for today, we’ll pick up next time and in the juicy seventh chapter of Song of Solomon in our next little lesson, and we’re winding this down now. Okay. God bless you.
What Does the Bible Say About Oral and Anal Sex? (Part 8)
Hi. Welcome to today’s Little Lesson. Thank you for joining me. Hope you watched the seven preceding Little Lessons. We’ve been laying a foundation, building context to try to answer these two questions that started off this Little Lesson, all precipitated by a letter from a dear sister in Christ, whose marriage was saved by watching Little Lessons. But her unbelieving husband and herself, she’s a new Christian, they enjoyed, she said, oral sex prior to her making a commitment to Christ. And now she’s heard some teaching that it’s demonic and it opens up to homosexual spirits if you do have oral sex and so forth. And anal sex, this is actually sodomy. And I’ve done my best over the last few lessons to try to answer the specifics of that. And I’ll just say once again, starting off this Little Lesson, the scripture is not as clear maybe as some of us wished it was, and there’s a spectrum of Christian thought. So, I don’t want to join the Christian sex police, but I do want to look at what the Bible does have to say.
So, we’re finding ourselves in a part of the Bible that’s very sexually themed, the Song of Solomon. I believe it’s inspired by the Holy Spirit. If Solomon wrote it, you have to kind of scratch your head a little bit on Solomon on anything he writes about sex, seeing as how he had 300 wives and 700 concubines. But we won’t try to cover that right now.
So, anyways, we’re now in one of the two juiciest chapters of Song of Solomon, chapter seven, where, unlike chapter four where the husband began describing the beauty of his lover starting at the top, working all the way down to what was hidden by her thighs. And then this time, in chapter seven, it starts at the bottom with her feet, how beautiful they are, and works his way up.
So, this is Song of Solomon 7:1 “How beautiful are your sandaled feet, O queenly maiden. Your rounded thighs are like jewels, the work of a skilled craftsman.” We covered this already. “Your navel is perfectly formed, like a goblet filled with mixed wine.” And so right there, some folks are jumping on. Well, here’s a little innuendo. This is oral sex, right? Her navel is like a goblet filled with wine. So you drink the wine, your mouth would be there. Well, what’s he describing? He’s not saying here that we put wine into your navel and I drank it. That’s not what he’s saying, and that’s a stretch, okay? Nor is it saying then I worked my way down from there and put my mouth on your genitals.
But he does say, this is where we left off last time, “between your thighs,” this is the New Living Translation, “lies a mound of wheat bordered with lilies.” The New American Standard says “Your belly is like a heap of wheat,” and we always scratched our heads, saying, well, maybe they had they had a little different standards of beauty back in that day that it was attractive to have a fat belly. But seems like in our day and in cultures around the world, slender has been generally thought of as more attractive, but what do we know? Look at Rembrandt’s paintings of those naked women. They weren’t so slender. But yet here in the New Living Translation, maybe it opens it up for us. “Between your thighs,” well, you know, “lies a mound of wheat bordered with lilies.” Okay. So there’s a mound and there’s a border. Sounds like a certain part on a woman’s genitalia that is the center of her pleasure. But now working our way up, he didn’t say I’m going to put my mouth there, I’m going to drink there. That’s not there, okay? But let’s keep going.
“Your breasts are like two fawns.” So, same imagery is in chapter four. “Twin fawns of a gazelle.” Now works his way up. “Your neck is as beautiful as an ivory tower. Your eyes are like the sparkling pools of Heshbon by the gate of Bath-rabbim.” So, again, working up, neck, beautiful eyes. Back in the same region, “Your nose is as fine as the tower of Lebanon overlooking Damascus.” I’m not sure exactly specifically what about her nose was like the tower of Lebanon, but “Your head is a majestic as Mount Carmel, and the sheen of your hair radiates royalty.” So, wow, he loves it.
I love this next phrase. “The king is held captive by its tresses. Oh, how beautiful you are! How pleasing, my love, how full of delights!” So, there’s lots of specifics that I like about what you’ve got to offer. “You are slender like a palm tree, and your breasts are like its clusters of fruit.” So, imagine the slender palm tree, with the palm fruit up there hanging underneath the branches. So, that becomes a sexual image. And he says, “You are slender like the palm tree,” so, again, against the belly heap of wheat imagery and the New American Standard, I like this thin slender body that I’m seeing. And your breasts, on the upper portions of that palm tree, are like its clusters of fruit. Now, look what he says. “I will climb the palm tree and take hold of its fruit.” So, the imagery is I’m touching your breasts with my hands. And it goes on, “May your breasts be like grape clusters, and the fragrance of your breath like apples. May your kisses be as exciting as the best wine.” So, he’s working his way up her body, and breasts are like grape clusters. Once again, he’s going to take hold of its fruit. And then the fragrance of her breath, so he’s at her mouth. “And may your kisses be exciting as the best wine.”
So again, some people have found oral sex in that. I’m going to have to beg to differ on that. As far as oral to genital sex, I don’t see that there, okay? But what he described sounds great to me. And that’s one thing, I guess, from my perspective, and I’m going to share a little bit of my perspective, regular sex without oral sex, it’s got a lot to offer, right? We know within the spectrum of Christian thought, there are quite a few within the Christian world that would say something very negative about oral sex, and many couples would say it’s degrading. Come on. And then even more so against anal sex because it seems like from a standpoint of the function of a part, the anus isn’t exactly a sexual organ. It might be close by some sexual organs. It might have some feelings, but it’s where the excrement comes out and so forth, and so, you know…. But again, all the beauty of everything he describes, it’s all legitimate, it’s all clear, and there’s lots to do. Lots of variety, lots of fun, lots of excitement on many levels, okay?
I’m just about out of time, and I’m going to wind this up in one more Little Lesson tomorrow, somewhat of a summary, but a few closing thoughts. But one thing I do want to hit on, of course, are the medical implications. The question is what does the Bible say, so I’m stepping beyond the question here, but what does the Bible say. But from a medical standpoint, there are some things to consider, particularly with anal sex, all right? And also with oral sex, mouth to genital sex, that I’m not going to go into, all right? But you’ve got the internet, you can Google it and see what you find out there.
So, again, my posture is I’m trying to stick with scripture. I’ve tried to give scriptural principles and so forth, but it was all precipitated by a question, which I’m going to repeat one last time tomorrow and talk specifically to that viewer, because she’s married to someone who’s not a Christian, and so she’s got a double dilemma here. “I want to please God. I want to please my husband. Prior to my salvation, we were enjoying oral sex. What do I do now?”
Okay, hope to see if that final Little Lesson on this interesting topic. God bless you.
What Does the Bible Say About Oral and Anal Sex? (Part 9)
Hi, welcome to today’s little lesson and thank you once again for joining me. If you’re still with me now on the ninth little lesson as we’ve discussed this subject you’re a real trooper, and I can’t course review everything that I’ve said. I know some viewers are going to say, “Well you haven’t said anything about anal sex. Well, I haven’t specifically. I mean, let’s face it we’re not finding anything in the scripture pro or con about anal sex. But, I would say within the spectrum of Christian thought, as I’ve looked on the internet to see what everybody is saying on the subject, much more negativity about anal sex than oral sex. The reasons that are often given, of course, is the anatomical function of the anus, and so forth. Why do you want to use it for something else when it’s used for something that is so unclean?
Of course, that same exact argument, and logic, is used on oral sex, because you’re so close to something that is not the cleanest part of the body, but, again, there are [counter 00:01:26] arguments against that I’ve read. The spectrum is broad within the Christian community, far on both sides. The Bible, as we search the Bible we haven’t found anything explicitly condemning these things. Sodomy, which includes oral/anal sex, men with men in a homosexual relationship that’s obviously condemned. The word sodomy comes from Sodom, the biblical reference there.
We’ve looked at the Song of Solomon where some folks say you can find the Bible talking clearly about oral sex, and we’ve looked for it there I and the juiciest chapters and, boy, we found some juicy stuff, and definitely there is attention given to the genital areas in veiled references, but I think it’s pretty obvious what’s being talked about. I personally am not able to find oral to genital sex described even in a vague way.
So, the Bible doesn’t condemn it, but the Bible is not talking about it as something that you’d want to do. I’ve also emphasized that all the beauty of sex that’s described in the Song of Solomon, there’s plenty to do in sex without needing anything beyond standard stuff that can keep it fun and keep a marriage interesting and enjoyable. Lovers do get better as the months and years roll by, and they are more open with each other and talk about things. That is, of course, what marriage is all about. We’ve talked about that, also, in this little lesson series about whatever is done in the marriage bed needs to be done by mutual consent, from 1 Corinthians chapter 7.
Now, this whole little lesson was precipitated by a question from a viewer. Actually I got it months ago and it’s taken me this long to get around to it. A new Christian and her and her husband enjoyed, she said, oral sex prior to her coming to Christ. Her husband is not a believer and what should she do? I haven’t really specifically answered her specific question because she asked, basically, however, what does the Bible say, and she’s going to do what the Bible says. She does have a problem. As Christians we want to please the Lord but we also want to please our spouses, and if your spouse is unsaved you have a problem.
So, I’m going to speak directly to her and any woman in her shoes and, I guess, theoretically any man in her shoes, a man who would be a Christian and his wife is not. Your spouse wants to engage in a sexual practice that you don’t feel right about in your heart or that you feel is degrading. Now, in her case she had already engaged in oral sex with her husband and she said, “We enjoyed it,” so that it’s both mutual enjoyment. Whereas, again, there are plenty of Christian customers who would say it’s degrading and so forth.
She said, “We enjoy it,” so now she’s wondering whether she should stop it. It’s hard to know what to say, other than to say at least this, you need to talk to your husband, and if you really feel within your heart that this is something you don’t want to do, which actually I kind of suspect you’re not going to be saying that because you did say, “We enjoy this,” and you were involved in it before. Hopefully from what we’ve discussed you’re not going to just blindly accept the teaching of the Christian sex police who have somehow figured out that oral sex must be wrong, even though there’s not a shred of evidence for that, really, in the Bible when you get right down to it.
Let’s say that you feel a conviction that you shouldn’t do it. Well, then you have to talk to your husband, of course, and you need to do it very, very gently, and try to softly, gently explain it to him. He may not understand, and the danger that you run into then is, “Well, I’m a Christian and now I’m not as good of a wife as I was before. That’s the problem, but I’m at a loss to really … I just cannot give a definitive answer on that, and I think anyone who would give a definitive answer is overstepping their rightful bounds because it’s not an easy question to answer.
I think I would be personally myself, and you’re allowed to disagree with me. I still love you. I think if I was her pastor, I think I would say, “If you find that enjoyable, and your husband finds that enjoyable and he’s not a believer don’t put that as a stumbling block before him because the most important thing is to lead him to the Lord. Again, I know someone’s going to put in the comments, “Well, you don’t lead anyone to Lord by compromising.” I agree with you on that wholeheartedly, but this is one of those gray areas. If she was asking me, “Prior to our marriage my husband and I had another woman and we had threesomes, I would be saying, “No.” We know that’s wrong. The Bible’s full of information that leads us to conclude that, but this is a gray area that we’re talking about, as we’ve discussed for the last nine little lessons. I think that that’s going to come through loud and clear if you watch the nine little lessons. So that’s why I would give the advice try to be the best wife you can. You want to show that you’re a better wife now that you’ve come to know the Lord, and because scripture doesn’t explicitly condemn this, something that you confessed that you previously enjoyed, I would say you don’t have to be so concerned about the Christian sex police who have influenced you.
So, I’ve done my best and maybe it wasn’t good enough, but please give me credit for at least trying and addressing a subject that rarely gets addressed. I welcome your thoughts and your comments. People say, “You don’t read our comments.” Actually, I have a person on our staff who reads them and they send me the ones that they believe that I would be interested in responding to and knowing about, and so forth. So, other people read your comments so it’s great for discussion. Thank you so much. We’re going to go into a new subject for our next little lesson. God bless you.