1). Don’t exasperate your children (see Eph. 6:4). Children can’t be expected to act like adults. If you expect too much from them, they’ll quit trying to please you, knowing it’s impossible.

2). Don’t compare your children with other children. Let them know how much you appreciate about their unique qualities and gifts from God.

3). Give them responsibilities around your home so they will know they are an important part of the family unit. Accomplishments are the building blocks of healthy self-esteem.

4). Spend time with your children. That lets them know they are important to you. Giving them material things is no substitute for giving them yourself. Furthermore, children are influenced the most by those who spend the most time with them.

5). If you must say something negative, try to say it in a positive way. I never told my children they were “bad” when they disobeyed me. Instead, I’d say to my son, “You’re a good boy, and good boys don’t do what you just did!” (Then I’d spank him).

6). Realize the word “no” means “I care about you.” When children always get their way, they intuitively know you don’t care enough to ever restrict them.

7). Expect your children to imitate you. Children learn from the example of their parents. The wise parent will never say to his child, “Do as I say, not as I do.”

8). Don’t bail your children out of all their problems. Only remove stumbling-stones; let stepping stones remain on their path.

9). Serve God with all of your heart. I’ve noticed that children of parents who are spiritually lukewarm rarely continue to serve God in their adulthood. Christian children of unsaved parents and children of fully-committed Christian parents normally continue to serve God once “out of the nest.”

10). Teach your children the Word of God. Parents often prioritize the education of their children but fail to give them the most important education they could get, an education in the Bible.

God, of course, is the one who came up with the idea of families. It stands to reason, then, that He could offer us insight into how the families should function and can warn us of those pitfalls that destroy families. Indeed, the Lord has given us many principles in His Word regarding the structure of the family and the role that each individual member should perform. When these biblical instructions are followed, families will experience all the blessings God intended for them to enjoy. When they are violated, havoc and heartache are the result.

As we read in Ephesians 6:4, fathers are not only responsible to discipline their children but also expected to instruct them in the Lord. It is not the church’s responsibility to give the child instruction in biblical morality, Christian character, or theology—it is the father’s job. The parents who relegate all the responsibility to the Sunday School teacher to teach their children about God are making a very serious error. God commanded Israel through Moses:

And these words, which I am commanding you today, shall be on your heart; and you shall teach them diligently to your sons and shall talk of them when you sit in your house and when you walk by the way and when you lie down and when you rise up (Deut. 6:6-7, emphasis added).

Christian parents should introduce their children, from an early age, to God, telling them who He is and how much He loves them. Young children should be taught the story of Jesus’ birth, life, death, and resurrection. Many children can understand the gospel message by age five or six and can make a decision to serve the Lord. Soon after (by age six or seven, and sometimes even younger), they can receive the baptism in the Holy Spirit with the evidence of speaking in tongues. Of course, no ironclad rules can be laid down because every child is different. The point is that Christian parents should make the spiritual training of their children their highest earthly priority.

God is the one who invented sex, and He obviously created it for pleasure as well as for procreation. The Bible, however, plainly states that sexual relations are only to be enjoyed by those who have joined themselves together in a life-long marriage covenant.

Sexual relations that take place outside the bonds of marriage are classified as either fornication or adultery. The apostle Paul stated that those who practice such things will not inherit the kingdom of God (see 1 Cor. 6:9-11). Although a Christian might be tempted and might possibly fall into an act of fornication or adultery, he will feel great condemnation in his spirit that will lead him to repentance.

Paul also gave some specific instruction regarding the sexual responsibilities of husbands and wives:

But because of immoralities, let each man have his own wife, and let each woman have her own husband. Let the husband fulfill his duty to his wife, and likewise also the wife to her husband. The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does; and likewise also the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. Stop depriving one another, except by agreement for a time that you may devote yourselves to prayer, and come together again lest Satan tempt you because of your lack of self-control (1 Cor. 7:2-5).

These verses make it very plain that sex should not be used as a “reward” by either husband or wife because neither has authority over his own body.

Moreover, sex is a God-given gift and not unholy or sinful as long as it stays within the confines of marriage. Paul encouraged married Christian couples to engage in sexual relations. Furthermore, we find this advice to Christian husbands in the book of Proverbs:

Let your fountain be blessed, and rejoice in the wife of your youth. As a loving hind and a graceful doe, let her breasts satisfy you at all times; be exhilarated always with her love (Prov. 5:18-19).^[1]

If Christian couples are to enjoy a mutually satisfying sexual relationship, husbands and wives should understand that there is a vast difference between the sexual nature of men and women. By comparison, a man’s sexual nature is more physical, whereas a woman’s sexual nature is connected with her emotions. Men become sexually excited by visual stimulation (see Matt. 5:28), whereas women tend to be sexually excited by relationships and by touch (see 1 Cor. 7:1). Men are sexually attracted to women who appeal to their eyes; whereas women tend to be sexually attracted to men they admire for more reasons than just physical attractiveness. Thus wise wives look their best to please their husbands all the time. And wise husbands show their affection for their wives all day long by hugs and thoughtful acts of kindness, rather than expecting their wives to be “turned on” in an instant at the end of the day.

A man’s degree of sexual desire tends to increase with the build-up of semen in his body, whereas a woman’s sexual desire increases or decreases depending upon her menstrual cycle. Men have the capacity to be sexually excited and experience sexual climax within a matter of seconds or minutes; women take much longer. Although he is normally physically ready for actual intercourse in seconds, her body may not be physically ready for as much as half an hour. Thus wise husbands take their time in sexual foreplay with caresses, kisses and manual stimulation of those areas of her body that will result in her becoming ready for intercourse. If he doesn’t know where those parts of her body are, he should ask her. Additionally, He should know that although he has the capacity for reaching only one sexual climax, his wife has the capacity for more. He should see that she receives what she desires.

It is vital for Christian husbands and wives to discuss their needs honestly with one another and learn as much as they can about how the opposite sex differs. Through months and years of communication, discovery and practice, sexual relationships between husbands and wives can result in ever-increasing blessedness.

^[1] For more proof that God is not prudish, see Song of Solomon 7:1-9 and Leviticus 18:1-23.

Children should be taught to be submitted and fully obedient to their Christian parents. And if they will, long lives and other blessings are promised to them:

Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. “Honor your father and mother” (which is the first commandment with a promise), “that it may be well with you, and that you may live long on the earth” (Eph. 6:1-3).

Christian fathers, as heads of their families, are given the primary responsibility for the training of their children:

And, fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord (Eph. 6:4).

Note that the father’s responsibility is two-fold: to bring his children up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. Let us first consider the need to discipline children.

To husbands, God says:

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her….So husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself; for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ also does the church, because we are members of His body….Nevertheless let each individual among you also love his own wife even as himself; and let the wife see to it that she respect her husband (Eph. 5:25, 28-30, 33).

Husbands are commanded to love their wives as Christ loves the church. That is no small responsibility! Any wife will gladly submit to someone who loves her as much as Jesus does—who gave His own life in sacrificial love. Just as Christ loves his own body, the church, so also husbands ought to love the woman with whom they are “one flesh” (Eph. 5:31). If a Christian husband loves his wife as he should, he will provide for her, care for her, honor her, help her, encourage her, and spend time with her. If he fails in his responsibility to love his wife, the husband is in danger of hindering the answer to his own prayers:

You husbands likewise, live with your wives in an understanding way, as with a weaker vessel [body], since she is a woman; and grant her honor as a fellow-heir of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered (1 Pet. 3:7, emphasis added).

There has never been, of course, a marriage that is completely void of conflicts and disagreements. Through commitment and the development of the fruit of the spirit in our lives, however, husbands and wives can learn to live harmoniously and experience the ever-increasing blessedness of Christian marriage. Through the inevitable problems that arise in all marriages, each partner can learn to grow to greater maturity in Christ-likeness.

For further study on the duties of husbands and wives, see Gen. 2:15-25; Prov. 19:13; 21:9, 19; 27:15-16; 31:10-31; 1 Cor. 11:3; 13:1-8; Col. 3:18-19; 1 Tim. 3:4-5; Tit. 2:3-5; 1 Pet. 3:1-7.

Some say that to worship “in spirit” means to pray and sing in other tongues, but that seems to be a strained interpretation in light of Jesus’ words. He said that “an hour is coming, and now is, when the true worshipers shall worship the Father in spirit and truth,” indicating that there were already those who met the conditions for worship “in spirit” when He made His statement. Of course, no one spoke in tongues until the day of Pentecost. Therefore, any believer, whether he can speak in tongues or not, can worship God in spirit and in truth. Praying and singing in other tongues can certainly aid a believer in his worship, but even praying in tongues can become a heartless ritual.

An interesting insight into the worship of the early church is found in Acts 13:1-2:

Now there were at Antioch, in the church that was there, prophets and teachers; Barnabas, and Simeon who was called Niger, and Lucius of Cyrene, and Manaen who had been brought up with Herod the tetrarch, and Saul. And while they were ministering to the Lord and fasting, the Holy Spirit said, “Set apart for Me Barnabas and Saul for the work to which I have called them” (emphasis added).

Notice this passage said they were “ministering to the Lord.” It seems reasonable to think that means they were worshiping Him, and thus we learn that true worship actually ministers to the Lord. That is only true, however, when the Lord is the object of our love and affection.

The child who is never disciplined will grow up to be selfish and rebellious toward authority. Children should be disciplined any time they defiantly disobey reasonable rules that have been established beforehand by their parents. Children should not be punished for mistakes or childish irresponsibility. They should, however, usually be required to face the consequences of their mistakes and irresponsibilities, thus helping to prepare them for the realities of adult life.

Young children should be disciplined by means of spanking, as God’s Word instructs. New babies, of course, should not be spanked. This does not mean that babies should always be given their own way. In fact, from the day of birth it should be clear to them that mother and father are in charge. They can be taught at a very young age what the word “no” means by simply restraining them from doing what they are doing or about to do. Once they begin to understand what “no ” means, a small slap on their buttocks will help them understand even better when they don’t stop those actions that the parent desires them to stop. If this is done consistently, children will learn to be obedient at a very young age.

Parents can also establish their authority by not reinforcing undesirable behavior in their children, such as immediately giving them what they want every time they cry. To do so is to teach children to cry in order to gain their desires. Or, if parents yield to the demands of their children every time they throw a temper tantrum or whine, such parents are actually encouraging such undesirable behavior. Wise parents only reward behavior that is desirable in their children.

Spankings should not be physically harmful but should certainly generate enough pain to cause the disobedient child to cry for a short time. In this way, the child will learn to associate disobedience with pain. This the Bible affirms:

He who spares his rod hates his son, but he who loves him disciplines him diligently….Foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child; the rod of discipline will remove it far from him….Do not hold back discipline from the child, although you beat him with the rod, he will not die. You shall beat him with the rod, and deliver his soul from Sheol….The rod and reproof give wisdom, but a child who gets his own way brings shame to his mother (Prov. 13:24; 22:15; 23:13-14; 29:15).

When parents simply enforce their rules, they do not need to threaten children to make them obedient. If a child defiantly disobeys, he should be spanked. If a parent only threatens to spank his disobedient child, he is only reinforcing his child’s continued disobedience. As a result, the child learns not to be concerned about being obedient until his parents’ verbal threats reach a certain volume.

After the spanking has been administered, the child should be hugged and reassured of his parent’s love.

O sing to the Lord a new song , for he has done wonderful things (Ps. 98:1a, emphasis added).

There is nothing wrong with singing an old song, unless it becomes a ritual. Then we need a new song that comes from our hearts. In the New Testament, we learn that the Holy Spirit will help us compose new songs:

Let the word of Christ richly dwell within you, with all wisdom teaching and admonishing one another with psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing with thankfulness in your hearts to God (Col. 3:16).

And do not get drunk with wine, for that is dissipation, but be filled with the Spirit, speaking to one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody with your heart to the Lord; always giving thanks for all things in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ to God, even the Father (Eph. 5:18-20).

Paul wrote that we should be singing to one another with “psalms, hymns, and spiritual songs,” so there must be a difference between all three. A study of the original Greek words offers little help, but perhaps “psalms” meant an actual singing of psalms from the Bible accompanied by musical instruments. “Hymns,” on the other hand, may have been general songs of thanksgiving composed by various believers in the churches. “Spiritual songs” were probably spontaneous songs given by the Holy Spirit and similar to the simple gift of prophecy, except that the utterances would be sung.

Praise and worship should be a part of our everyday lives—not just something we do when the church gathers. Throughout every day we can minister to the Lord and experience close fellowship with Him.

The book of Psalms, which could be said to have been Israel’s hymnbook, exhorts us to worship God in a number of different ways. For example, in Psalm 32 we read:

“Shout for joy all you who are upright in heart” (Ps 32:11b, emphasis added).

Although quiet, reverent, worship has its place, so does shouting for joy.

Sing for joy in the Lord, O you righteous ones; praise is becoming to the upright. Give thanks to the Lord with the lyre; sing praises to Him with a harp of ten strings. Sing to Him a new song; play skillfully with a shout of joy (Ps. 33:1-3, emphasis added).

We should, of course, sing to the Lord in worship, but our singing should be joyful , which is another outward indication of one’s heart condition. We can also accompany our joyful singing with various musical instruments. I must mention, however, that in many church gatherings, the electrical musical instruments are often so loud that they drown out the singing completely. They should be turned down or turned off. The psalmists never had that problem!

So I will bless Thee as long as I live; I will lift up my hands in Thy name (Ps. 63:4, emphasis added).

As a sign of surrender and reverence, we can lift our hands to God.

Shout joyfully to God, all the earth; sing the glory of His name; make His praise glorious. Say to God, “How awesome are Thy works! Because of the greatness of Thy power Thine enemies will give feigned obedience to Thee. All the earth will worship Thee, and will sing praises to Thee” (Ps. 66:1-4, emphasis added).

We should tell the Lord how awesome He is and praise Him for His many wonderful attributes. The Psalms are an excellent place to find appropriate words with which to praise God. We need to go beyond the continual repetition of “I praise you, Lord!” There is so much more to say to Him.

Come, let us worship and bow down; let us kneel before the Lord our Maker (Ps. 95:6).

Even our posture can be an expression of worship, whether it be standing, kneeling or bowing.

Let the godly ones exult in glory; let them sing for joy in their beds (Ps. 149:5, emphasis added).

But we don’t have to be standing or kneeling to worship—we can even be lying in bed.

Enter His gates with thanksgiving, and His courts with praise. Give thanks to Him; bless His name (Ps. 100:4, emphasis added).

Giving of thanks should certainly be a part of our worship.

Let them praise His name with dancing (Ps. 149:3, emphasis added).

We can even praise the Lord with dancing. But it should be dancing that is not fleshly, sensual or purely entertaining.

Praise Him with trumpet sound; praise Him with harp and lyre. Praise Him with timbrel and dancing; praise Him with stringed instruments and pipe. Praise Him with loud cymbals; praise Him with resounding cymbals. Let everything that has breath praise the Lord (Ps. 150:3-6).

Thank God for those who are musically gifted. Their gifts can be used to glorify God if they play their instruments from a heart of love.